


the true masterminds

by lawltam



Series: next gen captains week 2018 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Multi, chatfic, mild swearing, next gen captains week, ngc-week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 13:32:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15686415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawltam/pseuds/lawltam
Summary: Ennoshita and Akaashi are sick of the oblivious gays in the group chat.(featuring dick pics.)(next gen captains week, day 2: relationships)





	the true masterminds

**Author's Note:**

> my favourite crackheads are back at it again!!!
> 
> tbh i actually shit shirabu with semi but,,, im a multishipper anyway so

**_Group Chat: big boys with balls_ **

**shirabooboo:** i hate to admit it but

**shirabooboo:** you guys are actually my friends

**futachin:** JFSJJDJDJF

**futachin:** HHOLY SHIT 

**futachin:** FINALLY

**futachin:** IT ONLY TOOK THREE MONTHS FOR YOU TO ADMIT

**yababy:** idk how i feel

**shirabooboo:** you should be feeling goddamn blessed

**hoot hoot v2:** aaaand hes back 

**teruteru-chan:** you know what

**no-shit-a:** what

**teruteru-chan:** we should meet up 

**shirabooboo:** that sounds like a nightmare

**no-shit-a:** i ask myself why i thought you changed, shirabu

**shirabooboo:** me too

**shirabooboo:** obviously i wouldn’t. 

**shirabooboo:** dumbass

**yababy:** language.

**shirabooboo:** suck my huge cock

**yababy:** .

**yababy:** uh

**shirabooboo:** ….what

**futachin:** omg

**futachin:** OMG

**teruteru-chan:** dudes

**no-shit-a:** are you fucking kidding me

**hoot hoot v2:** is this for real

**hoot hoot v2:** IS THIS FOR REAL

—

**_Private Message: hoot hoot v2, yababy_ **

**hoot hoot v2:** are you FUCKING kidding me

**yababy:** what

**hoot hoot v2:** are you blushing right now

**yababy:** wha. t

**hoot hoot v2:** oh my god you are

**yababy:** HOW DID YOU 

**hoot hoot v2:** look i’ve had to deal with bokuto’s pining mess of himself for an entire year 

**hoot hoot v2:** all while i was pining for him

**hoot hoot v2:** i can recognize a gay mess when i see one

**yababy:** holy shit

**yababy:** i’m fucked aren’t i

**hoot hoot v2:** uhhhhhh

—

**_Private Message: hoot hoot v2, no-shit-a_ **

**hoot hoot v2:** help

**no-shit-a:** ?

**hoot hoot v2:** how do i tell yahaba that shirabu likes him without actually telling him that he likes him

**no-shit-a:** what

**no-shit-a:** ok wait let me handle this

**hoot hoot v2:** wait 

**hoot hoot v2:** what

**hoot hoot v2:** WAIT

**hoot hoot v2:** WHAT

**hoot hoot v2:** CHIKARA NO 

—

**_Group Chat: big boys with balls_ **

**no-shit-a:** say aye if you’re gay

**no-shit-a:** aye

**futachin:** aye

**teruteru-chan:** aye

**hoot hoot v2:** aye

**shirabooboo:** aye

**yababy:** aye

**no-shit-a:** ok cool problem solved

**hoot hoot v2:** IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT

**futachin:** what problem

—

**_Private Message: no-shit-a, futachin_ **

**no-shit-a:** shirabu and yahaba’s pining for each other

**futachin:** oH

—

**_Group Chat: big boys with balls_ **

**futachin:** yeah the problem is most certainly not solved

**shirabooboo:** WHAT PROBLEM

**hoot hoot v2:** YOU TOLD FUTAKUCHI

**no-shit-a:** clearly. watch him go tell terushima

**teruteru-chan:** i already knew since the first week of this chat LMAO

**yababy:** what the fucj is going on

**futachin:** NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, YAHABA

—

**User Futakuchi Kenji _(futachin)_ has created a group chat.**

**User Futakuchi Kenji _(futachin)_ has added Terushima Yuuji _(teruteru-chan)_ , Akaashi Keiji _(hoot hoot v2)_ and Ennoshita Chikara _(no-shit-a)_.**

**User Futakuchi Kenji _(futachin)_ named the group chat _‘masterminds’_.**

**futachin:** okay look so we know shirabu and yahaba are being too gay for each other to realize it

**futachin:** thus… the creation for this chat

**hoot hoot v2:** i cant believe futakuchi just used the word ‘thus’

**no-shit-a:** omg

**no-shit-a:** ok so what are we supposed to do about it

**teruteru-chan:** i was gonna suggest let them work it out but

**no-shit-a:** boo boring

**teruteru-chan:** exactly

**futachin:** ugh but shirabu’s the type to refuse he’s crushing on someone? 

**no-shit-a:** wait

**hoot hoot v2:** chikara no

**no-shit-a:** i’ll check

**hoot hoot v2:** CHIKARA NO

—

**_Private Message: no-shit-a, shirabooboo_ **

**no-shit-a:** hey weird question but

**no-shit-a:** did you mean that ‘suck my huge cock’ comment

**shirabooboo:** wtf

**shirabooboo:** obviously not

**shirabooboo:** do you understand jokes

**no-shit-a:** ok so

**no-shit-a:** you don’t like yahaba?

**shirabooboo:** uh 

**shirabooboo:** well 

**no-shit-a:** god you’re such a fuckin tsundere

**shirabooboo:** don’t cALL ME THAT ILL FUCK YOU UP

**no-shit-a:** example 1

**shirabooboo:** MORON 

—

**_Group chat: masterminds_ **

**futachin:** do you think yahaba actually thinks shirabu has a big dick

**teruteru-chan:** he does

**no-shit-a:** i’m sorry

**no-shit-a:** WHAT

**hoot hoot v2:** how the hell would you know, of all people?

**teruteru-chan:** look i’m just saying

**teruteru-chan:** sometimes your hand slips on snapchat

**futachin:** did you send one back thinking he wanted to sext

**teruteru-chan:** ….

**teruteru-chan:** its a possibility 

**no-shit-a:** oH MY FUCKIN GOD

**hoot hoot v2:** truly a work of art, aren’t you

**teruteru-chan:** THIS ISNT WHAT WE WERE GONNA TALK ABOUT

**futachin:** terushima’s right 

**futachin:** we need to settle the gay mess 

**no-shit-a:** which one

**futachin:** ??? shirabu and yahaba?? obviously??

**no-shit-a:** oh

**no-shit-a:** right

**futachin:** what other gay messes are there

**no-shit-a:** uh

—

**_Private Message: no-shit-a, hoot hoot v2_ **

**no-shit-a:** do i tell futakuchi that we have a chat with shirabu and yahaba with the exact same function as masterminds, except that the gay messes are futakuchi and terushima

**hoot hoot v2:** i know it’s tempting

**hoot hoot v2:** but

**hoot hoot v2:** hoe don’t do it

**no-shit-a:** ugh fine

—

**_Group chat: big boys with balls_ **

**futachin:** wait so terushima and shirabu have seen each other’s dicks?

**shirabooboo:** wHAT

**shirabooboo:** HOW DID YOU

**shirabooboo:** TERUSHIMA YUUJI I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU 

**teruteru-chan:** WRONG CHAT FUTAKUCHI

**futachin:** what

**futachin:** oH SHIT

**yababy:** wait what

**yababy:** terushima has seen shirabu’s dick??

**yababy:** context?

**yababy:** proof picture?

**futachin:** i will also need the proof that shirabu has seen terushimas dick

— 

**_Private Message: no-shit-a, hoot hoot v2_ **

**no-shit-a:** it hurts. 

**no-shit-a:** it physically hurts. 

**hoot hoot v2:** i know, chikara. 

**hoot hoot v2:** i know. 

—

**_Group Chat: big boys with balls_ **

**teruteru-chan:** NO GUYS LOOK

**teruteru-chan:** NO SCREENSHOTS WERE TAKEN

**shirabooboo:** speak for yourself

**yababy:** wh

**no-shit-a:** what the FUCK is happening

**futachin:** SHIRABU

**futachin:** YOU TOOK A SCREENSHOT OF TERUSHIMA’S DICK

**hoot hoot v2:** that’s a violation of the Rule

**yababy:** what rule

**hoot hoot v2:** the ‘no taking screenshots of nudes’ Rule

**hoot hoot v2:** it’s an unspoken Rule but it’s there nevertheless

**no-shit-a:** shirabu doesn’t get enough nudes to know of that Rule

**futachin:** shirabu EXPLAIN YOURSELF

**shirabooboo:** its a nice dick ok idk what else to say

**teruteru-chan:** what

**teruteru-chan:** IS MY DICK BEING COMPLIMENTED BY shirabu

**teruteru-chan:** i forgive you completely. 

**yababy:** wtf makes a dick nice

**shirabooboo:** piercings??

**futachin:** WHAT

**futachin:** TERU YOU 

**teruteru-chan:** ITS THE AESTHETIC

**shirabooboo:** what do you have to say about mine

**futachin:** WHAT

**no-shit-a:** god kill me

**hoot hoot v2:** shirabu no 

**yababy:** literally what is going on

**teruteru-chan:** uh 

**shirabooboo:** be honest

**teruteru-chan:** CANT I TELL YOU IN PRIVATE

**shirabooboo:** no

**teruteru-chan:** WHY

**no-shit-a:** because yahaba clearly wants to know more about shirabu’s dick

**hoot hoot v2:** CHIKARA

**futachin:** ENNOSHITA 

**shirabooboo:** WHAT

**yababy:** akaashi i will KILL YOU 

**futachin:** we all knew tbh

**hoot hoot v2:** you were being thirsty on main idk what to say 

**shirabooboo:** wtf

**yababy:** oh god

—

**_Private Message: shirabooboo, yababy_ **

**shirabooboo:** dude

**yababy:** oh god

**yababy:** yeah?

**shirabooboo:** meet me at johzenji in

**shirabooboo:** half an hour?

**yababy:** uh

**yababy:** sure? 

— 

**_Private Message: yababy, futachin_ **

**yababy:** futakuchi 

**yababy:** i think this is it for me 

**futachin:** wtf happened to you and shirabu 

**yababy:** he asked me to meet him at johzenji in half an hour 

**futachin:** oh my god 

**futachin:** it was nice knowing you dude 

**futachin:** but why johzenji of all places?? 

**yababy:** so that he can hide my body and blame it on the tennis team 

**futachin:** that’s brilliant fuck 

**futachin:** ok well there’s a park near johzenji 

**futachin:** do you want me to be at the park? so that if you’re in trouble, i can come running 

**yababy:** god yes please 

— 

— 

**_Group Chat: big boys with balls_ **

**no-shit-a:** what the hell happened to everyone 

**no-shit-a:** its been like four hours since the last text 

**no-shit-a:** im convinced yahaba is dead 

**yababy:** im not 

**hoot hoot v2:** wow chikara you summoned the dead 

**yababy:** i’m not dead 

**hoot hoot v2:** ok so what happened 

**yababy:** uhh shirabu asked me to meet him at johzenji 

**no-shit-a:** why tf 

**no-shit-a:** nobody likes johzenji 

**teruteru-chan:** wow rude but ok 

**hoot hoot v2:** continue yahaba 

**yababy:** so i went there and asked futakuchi to stay at the park nearby in case something went downhill

**yababy:** and then i met up with shirabu 

**shirabooboo:** i’ll take care of the rest 

**hoot hoot v2:** oh my 

**shirabooboo:** so yeah yahaba came up to me and he tried to say something, idk like an apology or something 

**teruteru-chan:** haha loser 

**yababy:** dude 

**shirabooboo:** but then i cut him off and basically long story short 

**yababy:** we made up 

**hoot hoot v2:** aw 

**yababy:** oops autocorrect 

**yababy:** made out** 

**hoot hoot v2:** ok that’s slightly less sweet but you tried 

**no-shit-a:** ok so what happened with with terushima and futakuchi 

**teruteru-chan:** oh i passed by shirabu while he had his tongue down yahaba’s throat after practice 

**hoot hoot v2:** gross 

**no-shit-a:** you’re one to talk, mr i-send-ennoshita-snaps-of-me-with-my-hand-in-bokuto’s-pants 

**shirabooboo:** WILD 

**teruteru-chan:** uh yeah anyway 

**teruteru-chan:** yahaba told me that futakuchi was at the park so i went there to chill with him 

**teruteru-chan:** and he was just sitting on a swing 

**teruteru-chan:** and idk something about the way he was dressed? 

**teruteru-chan:** made me walk over to him and kiss him silly 

**no-shit-a:** gross 

**hoot hoot v2:**!! hypocrite 

**hoot hoot v2:** you send me snaps of your significant other in their apron making breakfast for you with a bunch of heart emojis 

**shirabooboo:** wheres futakuchi now 

**teruteru-chan:** i took him back to my place 

**shirabooboo:**!! ALREADY?? WILD 

**teruteru-chan:** NO 

**teruteru-chan:** we watched kiki’s delivery service and now he’s napping on my lap 

**shirabooboo:** gross 

**teruteru-chan:** you literally just sent me a snap of yahaba nuzzling your shoulder 

**no-shit-a:** exposed 

**shirabooboo:** i literally still have your dick pic too so 

**teruteru-chan:** DUDE NO 

— 

_**Private Message: no-shit-a, hoot hoot v2** _

**no-shit-a:** we’re the real masterminds here 

**hoot hoot v2:** truly 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you all liked it! leave a kudos and a comment on your way out if you did :)


End file.
